That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
