I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
