dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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