I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
