he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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