yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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