I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize