Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
