so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
