I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
