He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
