Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
