a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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