how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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