just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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