you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
