he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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