sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
