happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
