so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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