Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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