New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
