Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
