cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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