I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
not ubering you a puppy
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
