ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
