okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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