im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize