I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
