That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
