so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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