he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
