Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
