the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
