I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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