hotel room ftw
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
