: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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