Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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