so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
