It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
