shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
