I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
