Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
