we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
