Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im holly from the hills drunk
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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