One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
