SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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