She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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