Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
