Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
