I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
