this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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