I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize