some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
