Already got asked if we're dating
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
