I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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