just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
