Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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