I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Life is so much better after having sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
