Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
