no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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