i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
