Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And then he peed in my hair
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