$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
