it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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