The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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