I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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