Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
