I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
