she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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